2007-01-12 - 11:01 PM

i have been curled up in bed all morning reading Kate Remembered. a book about K.H. of course and it's wonderful. snow is coming down outside and all the mud and ice is hidden beneath this lovely new whiteness. how i adore being shut in my cocoon while all the world moves around me in their busy dance, leaving me alone with my thoughts, my good book and perfect quiet.

i let fawn stay home, she woke with severe leg cramps. i rubbed them down with blue stuff and gave her some Tylenol .. then put her to bed in the pink room with piles of blankets. she slept all morning there.

i set up my cool mist humidifier early in the morning around 4 am, when i woke with a nose bleed from being dry. i think it's helped to run that all day.

i sit in my red velor bathrobe that zips down the front, with my brown moccasins on my feet. Yoshi is laying just a couple of feet away sleeping comfortably. i think the more humid air has helped him some too.

i read a line from the book that made me stop and think. something Kate said..... that it is more important to love than to be loved. i do think she was right about that. most people spend their lives looking for someone to love them enough, to fill their empty holes and make them complete. but the best kind of love has nothing to do with those things at all.

there is a perfectness to being alone too, i wonder why i waited so long to find that out.

i imagine my life alone after fawn leaves.... i feel ok about that these days. though i also imagine days with him too. long days in bed till our smells are so merged it becomes one essence... standing and cooking something with two hands on a spoon..
a warm face on my shoulder,
a cheek pressed against mine.

well my bed and book calls me back.

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