2006-10-08 - 11:30 AM

I'm sitting in my studio feeling so peaceful and quiet watching the fall come in with its white sky. the leaves fluttering in the trees. my roses gave their last buds of the year to me. so i brought them in to see if they will bloom. I'm drinking some hot coffee as i sit among my art on the walls in the studio. yoshi resting next to me on the futon.

i worked on the red watercolor sunset late into the night. thinking of you as i brushed the colors back and forth slowly. wondering how you are.

i burned sage in here last night cleansing the room. the scent of that calming me in my worries. i laid on the futon after painting a while and fell asleep dreaming of you standing in the doorway. imagining that warm embrace. how comforting that felt.

i don't know what the future brings but i know my love is still strong and growing. my heart is calm in the midst of uncertainty.

tonight is the harvest moon and my emotions are full as that beacon glowing over the whole of existence. what will become of me.. of us... of you...

your silence as it always feels, so distant as your spirit these days. my legs curled up on the futon under me the pad on one knee as i write out this ache to comfort you. I'm so sorry uncle albert plays softly on the radio. echoing my sorrow at not being able to soothe your pain. wondering my purpose in carrying this affection I'm not allowed to share. hands across the water, hands across the sky.. how i wish mine could reach that far place where you are.

all i can do is reside where i am , becoming who i am to be. my art , my words, my children, my family , my own arms being my comfort my life. keeping my heart safe, keeping my heart pure, as i wait to see what comes.

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