2006-09-04 - 1:13 PM

The dream

In the dream, the world is different and young girls as they reach the age of woman are taken to a dorm type place and left there for a year for training. Men of all ages go there and sexually use them. Then after a year their minds are erased of that time period and reprogrammed to remember etiquette type training. They go home and never know what really happened to them. In the dream, I take fawn there� I'm supposed to leave her� yet I have this horrid intuition to take her and run. As we walk to her dorm room I have flash backs and my memory is awakened about the men who used me there and all the awful things that happened there come back to me in great terrible detail.. I try to talk to the other mothers there, telling them. But no one believes me. They all just go on about their business as though I am not there. I'm invisible as I run from mother to mother begging them to not leave their girls' there.. I take fawn and leave .. We are on the run� Hiding � I'm breaking the law by not leaving her there. Then I wake up.

I suppose what the dreams about seems quite apparent but I let it float around in my head all that day with only the vaguest idea about the meaning� then I am sitting in the car waiting for my daughter after school watching all the other young people walking around. It dawns on me ..of course now that she has become a woman all my old fears awaken. How afraid I am for my daughter.. of the pain men have brought me and the deception and lies� how I wish I could protect her from it all. How I wish we could run someplace safe. .. Where her heart won�t be broken ..Shredded� How I wish she could be this sweet, beautiful, trusting.. Loving being.. Yet, I know some man or boy will rip it out and leave her�.How I wish I didn't know that� how I wish I had more faith in men How I wish I didn't know what I know. Yet I do..

How do I turn this knowing and pain into wisdom. How do I not pass on this legacy of mistrust. how do I teach her to protect herself and stand on her own without taking her with me to this place of fear my heart still lives in..I thought I was so healed� and yet this dream shows me I have such a long way to go.

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