2006-08-04 - 3:31 PM

mom has been concerned about my first husband. he had remained very close to them even after our divorce. treating them like his own parents. which had died long ago. my parents treating him like a son. all with my blessing. even after he remarried it was still that way .. until just a year or so ago when they said they were moving to AZ. then all contact was lost. no response to emails or christmas cards.. mom is worried so i went online to see if i could find him.. .. i did. i can find anyone and anything when i want to....he is in Tenn. and the address seems familiar to me. i think its his mothers sisters home. his mothers family has lived in there for as long as ive known him and that was back in the early 70's we married in 74. the search shows him and his wifes name there. so at least we know he is still alive. . i leave it to him to contact them and i don't plan to give my folks the information. he has broken contact for a reason all his own and i won't violate his privacy. still i wonder about it all.

and something very odd i found from this search.... he lied to me about his age. all these years . i thought him the same age as me... he told me so..now i see he was born in 1950.. no big deal that he is 5 years older. it just feels fucking weird to know he lied to me about yet one more thing.. why .. i guess ill never know that.. i was only 19 when we married.. he would have been 24. don't people realize that lies eventually catch up to them and that they destroy that fragile thing called trust.


do you think faith is the same thing as trust?
thats what im pondering now for some reason

the dictionary says....

faith.. Confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a person. Belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence.

trust... Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person.to place confidence in; depend on

i think trust is built on actuals and faith on something not quite so tangible.

i have faith in lion... but trust.. i think that is still developing , growing..its hard to trust when one has had their trust broken so many times. trust is a very fragile thing. not like faith .. that can walk through fire and remain unscathed.

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