2006-06-10 - 9:41 AM

someone stole my pink rose from the front of my house. it was the first to bloom on that bush. i was waiting for it to open fully to bring it inside... i went out to pick it and it was gone.. ripped off the stem.. not cut.. it made me feel violated.. sad...it was special.. that bush doesn't bloom often.. only a few roses every summer usually one at a time.. after feeling very sad for a while.. i thought well maybe some kid took it to their sick mother... somehow that makes it ok for me... i hope it brought someone love and joy. i at least still have a photo.. silly to be sad over a flower.. but i was fussing over it with watering and watching for the perfect time to bring it in... and then it was gone.. something i hate about city life... the only thing that might happen up in the mountains is a deer might eat it.. or some other forest animal.. but that somehow seems ok.. the deer used to come eat my strawberries and lettuce. so did the rabbits. i used to stand out in the garden and eat the snow peas off the vines myself. very few made it in the house.. the leaf lettuce always was so delicious grown at that altitude... i lived at 9500 ft. amazing i could grow anything.. but i did.. beautiful red strawberries.. i had to fight the birds and rabbits and deer for a taste. i miss the mountains so much.. i don't know how i would be able to live there alone. having to dig out during the snows by myself.. oh but the beauty of the snows there. i remember it piling up to almost a foot on the deck railings.. hanging in the pine trees the branches bowing down to touch the tops of the snow drifts.. wild roses in the valley down the hill behind my cabin.. the smell of wood burning in the stove.. the sound of melting snow.. dripping ... the smell of wet earth, those little pink trumpet flowers ... the smell of pine in the hot summer sun. my sons little face with apline daisies in his hand

a phone call from my mother.. my aunt is dieing.. cancer in her breast spred to her spine and bones. too far gone for surgery and cemo. she is in her 80's. dad is taking it hard.... they are taking her home to live with them. hospice will be called. she doesn't know or remember things well. so mom says that is somewhat a blessing.. she doesn't really know what is happening to her. im glad i will get to spend some time with her. my heart feels heavy again.. death.. the darkman comes again ravaging and stealing those we care about. my mother watched her sister die of this evil cancer.. now she has to watch another go the same way.
my mother the caretaker of everyone... don't worry mommy when the time comes i will take care of you.

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