2006-06-08 - 1:33 PM

i read this today.
"the only way out is through"

what don't i want to write about?

i don't want to write about my dead husband. i don't want to expose his sins to the world....but why?
why do i care what anyone thinks?
i care.
i still want everyone to like me.
is quiet submission my curse?
shall i be bold and brave and speak my truth regardless if it might cause another pain or discomfort.
is being healed more important than being compliant or silent?
my willingness to protect these mens reputations even though they hurt me.
what is that about?
as i expose them i expose myself.
my own weakness. my own failures.

whats the worst that can happen
they would be mad.
they would be uncomfortable.
who are they anyway?
what if my memory of it is bias?
well it is isn't it.
all memories are from our own perspective.
does that make them any less valid?

i am entitled to my own view of my own life.

what am i afraid of?
failing.
so what
does that matter so much?

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