2006-01-01 - 2:18 PM

It's only words, and words are all
I have to take your heart away

i remember that song candoor
reading it in your diary made me misty this morning.

i look at this new year with hope. where does this endless small hope live in me.. and why is it not just smashed to bits with everything else but its stubborn like me.. refuses to die.

im on my last day in oklahoma ill be leaving in the morning driving back to colorado.

the wind is whipping and blowing the red dirt flying in the air. everything tinted and laying on its side. fire danger still on high alert and my father turns the sprinklers on in the early morning to help keep his place safe. no fires are burning here but other places in the state they are.

my daughter was crying after midnight. im not sure exactly why.. but after getting in bed she crawled in with me. and we lay nose to nose for a hour or so.. i listened to her little girl worries and fears .. wiped her tears .. patted her back... told her it will be ok... and that shes only 11 and doesn't have to know all the answers to all the questions yet..why is 11 -13 so hard.. i remember..at least she has me to hold her.

i wonder will anyone ever hold me again .. smoothing my hair.. and telling me it will be ok..

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