2005-11-21 - 1:58 PM

if you have not read the story of caribou in my archives.. two entries one called "the story of caribou part one" and "all a woman needs to know for now" you should if you want to understand this entry.

anyway... he sent an email last week asking to come see me. the last time i saw him was the last week of march 2004. after some long months of silence he began writing me again that fall. we just exchange small notes really.. hes not much for words. hes more to look at and laugh with. so last night he came by to see me. he brought pictures of his house he built with his own hands. its beautiful and huge.

his eyes i had forgotten how blue they are. i remember why i fell so hard for him so quickly. so much sexual tension between us you could cut it with a knife. i tried to avoid sitting next to him.. so i sit in my grandfathers chair and that forces him to sit on the couch.. but it didn't.. he stood next to the chair pointing out things in the photos and i eventually had to say you can drag the computer chair over here if you like.. so he did.. and then there were all the accidental touching of fingers and a brief brush against my breast. his face leaning in close to me with those eyes looking into my soul.. there was a lot of nervous laughing and teasing.

he was only here an hour or so and then left.. did he expect me to throw myself at him.. then there was the hug before he left.. warm and nice.. how i miss being huged by a man.. the feel of cheek against cheek.. the smell of their necks.. humm well i was strong and didn't give into the temptation. but it was nice to see him.. to know im strong enough now to know what is lust and what is love. sometimes those lines get blurred in grief .. in loneliness.. in desperation..
im thankful i can see with clear eyes again.

�

�