2005-11-11 - 12:54 PM

this week has been full of trying to process. its a word i use for working through feelings in a linear way as my therapist taught me to do. stepping back and trying to view whats happening to me from a another perspective.. as though i was listening to a friend tell me about it all and what i might say to them. not listening to my own old tapes of past issues. also this week ive just let the feelings come up. letting myself feel them instead of pushing them down.

my house was a mess all week. dishes everywhere and laundry piled high. dust bunnies having batches of babies.
while i laid in bed crying and holding myself or going to the computer to write. i would come here and read all your sweet notes .then could not form words to say how that made me feel or even what i was doing.

i finished my first book of poetry this week too. its ready for submission. i can hardly believe it. ive been editing it over and over. looking for any thing wrong and last night i finally said .. shit... stop obsessing..its done...

i have several places its going to be sent. im terrified and there's this part of me that wants to put it somewhere safe and never let it be shown to any foreign eyes. they are all so personal and pieces of me. naked and raw. sometimes i don't think im brave enough to share them ..but another part of me is excited and jumping up and down. ready to bravely go where i never thought i would venture. so im going to put it in a large envelope and send it on monday.

as ive said many times before..
leaving my fear behind me.

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