2005-10-29 - 3:12 PM

i went to a parent teacher conference... one of those wonderful events that happen when you're a parent... where's my roll eyes smilie... it used to be with eagle who they off and on told me should be cked for ADD.. and when i asked his doctor about it.. he rolled his eyes.. thank god he was a wonderful doctor. eagle was and is perfectly normal in that way.. was just an active nimbly boy .. who would rather be outside playing with worms than inside a dull dry classroom reciting or regurgitating. information back at some boring moronic teacher... hes grades would go up and down every year with the quality of the teacher. if he had an interesting one that didn't bore him to death then he did well... heaven help the boring teacher.. he would wiggle and squirm and doodle his way through it.. gawd..

now its fawns turn.. and she hates math.. lordy lordy.. and i who can do trigonometry in my sleep... have little patience with her attitude about math. oh im not the best at explaining or teaching.. im afraid i would be a terrible teacher. oh i don't mind showing someone how to do anything.. in fact when i worked i was a very good trainer... its just i have no patience with someone who doesn't want to learn what im teaching.. if they shut me out or are not focusing it grinds on my nerves... to have to repeat things over and over because they don't pay attention..... lordy how i loath that. guess its just one of my faults.. i try .. oh i try so hard to be patient with her.. i love her so much.. ive repeated myself over and over with her. i try to remember how hard math was for me in the beginning too. .. how i struggled with it. until i found geometry... then i fell in love with math.. shapes and diameters.. love that stuff. on testing i would bank the charts on spacial reasoning... they wanted me to be a drafter or design eng.. i thought at 16 that sounded boring as hell... lol

anyway back to fawn... they always say how delightful she is .. sweet and funny. she wins a citizenship award almost every year.. for being helpful and kind to other students and teachers.. she has nearly always made A's and B's and a few C's .. which is fine with me. im not anal about grades.. as long as they are passing.

wtf will it matter in 20 years!!!!!!!!
if they made a D in french or failed history one semester... its the love of learning that i want them to get... the love of reading and wanting to know things... how to teach themselves ... those are the qualities i regard as important.. and also along the way that they learn empathy and compassion. how to overcome difficult situations.

shit.. a hundred years ago.. children were going west young man to find their fortune at 15 .. getting married and raising families... now they are kept away from doing that till they are at least 16 they have to be in school.. i don't know i guess i have odd opinions about school.. and what purpose it represents.

so since she is way behind in math and reading comprehension .. i have to step up some home help.. so at 6 every night we will spend some time doing flash cards and playing with her quantum pad math program. we usually read a few times a week from the harry potter books.. but ill make time to do that every night.. she loves spending time with me doing those things anyway.. so its not going to be a problem.. i just need to pull my head out of my books and writing ... its so easy to get caught up in my own world..

one of the things about having children is the responsibility of sacrifice. its not a burden really.. there is so much love there.. its more like a guilt that comes when you feel like your failing them. i want so much for her...the time with them at home is so short.. really it just flys by.. and then they are gone..

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