2005-09-11 - 1:31 PM

reflecting on an old email sept 2000

dear peter,

great walk...
really nice outside....sunny but not too hot..
good thinking done ...while walking alone...
still thinking about that second shift job...
was on my mind while i walked...
i am almost done reading that book i was telling you
about..The Celestine Prophecy
there is one section that talks about
personal dramas.....it breaks people down into
4 basic groups ...

intimidator
interigator
aloof
poor me

it does not say each of us is exactly one or the other
but that our past relationship with parents created
in us a personal drama...that we play out with others
all through our lives...

and if you can learn what drama you are stuck in
then you can do certain things to break free...

i have been thinking about my family
and i think my mom is an interigator...
and my dad is an aloof...
i don't think they act out in this way all the time
but a lot....
and i think that i have for the most part been
in a poor me drama...
at first i did not see it....and it took me almost
all of the book to face the truth about it..
i don't like it much....
but there is a lot i can and have been doing to
change that...

i have realized that my first husband was an
aloof...... i was drawn to him because
of my dads drama with me....i was continuing to play
out the aloof and poor me drama...

my second was an intimidator...
he was drawn to me....because i fit into his drama.
an intimidator always looks for a poor me to
subjugate.

my third is another poor me...
i have not yet figured out our drama yet...
if i can then i can take steps to stop it..

something else the book talks about is
growing beyond being a half person ...who is
always seeking out someone else to be the yen or yang
of your own personality....instead of developing your
own complete circle..
it says that incomplete people look for other
incomplete people and they are drawn to them and
become addicted to them ..to the detriment of
themselves..
their incomplete energy pulls them together to make
them complete....and then things are wonderful for
a while....but then the competition begins for
who controls the oneness you make together...
and that brings out old unresolved dramas..
that you play out between you over and over ...
causing you to feed off each other
pulling energy from each other....

maybe none of this makes since ....
since you have not read the book...
but i have learned so much ...
i really need to seek to make myself a more
complete and whole person...to explore my own
inner desires and thoughts...rather than always
serving someone...and putting myself in the poor me
drama over and over...i have to break free from that
...and i will...

�

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