2005-09-11 - 11:00 AM

my first love.......unconsumated
i was 13....he was 13 "peter" .....he was my first kiss and desire.
tall and thin ... with hair white gold and eyes blue
my parents made us separate...said i was too young ...
it broke both of our hearts...
he found me again 5 years ago online... our love flamed again for a short time and
while my husband had been and was still cheating on me... i thought i might do the same...
but in the end... i did not... we are good friends and that is all we will ever be.



my first marriage and second love... "earth dragon"
a large man with long blonde hair and pale blue eyes
reminded me of a young marlon brando.
we were 19 and i was a virgin...
a difficult thing to do in the late 60's and early 70's
married 8 years... after 7 years i found out he didn't want children and could not have children and did not want to adopt children. even though he had let me think we were going to have them and for years had been trying to have one. i felt betrayed and left him.
he is remarried ....and happy with no children



my second marriage...third love.........."fire dragon"
i was 27 he was 10 years older than me
worldly , erotic, very strong ...dark hair and grey blue eyes. exotic looking
married 10 years.......father of my son
abusive alcoholic.... beat me, held a gun to my head, a knife to my throat, mentally tore me apart, sucked the life energy from me. till i was nothing but a shell... i left for fear of my life and to protect my son.
he is remarried... to the woman he was seeing while we were married.




my forth love. ....."OWL"
he was 8 years younger than me
my height.. thin... dark hair , dark smoldering eyes..
quiet , shy , tender and poetic... warm and kind.
a blissful summer ... spent in the arms of a sweet lover and friend, the only man not to hurt me. he is still my friend and always will be.
recently married for the first time...



my third marriage and fifth love.........."water dragon"
he was 7 years younger than me
my height... dark hair and dark eyes.. strong arms and
at first sweet and gentle ... relaxed and fun.
made me laugh and forget ...protective.
married 10 years.... father of my daughter
cheated on me with the same woman for 4 of those years.
abusive to my son... sometimes cruel to me.
nerotic liar and obsessive compulsive personality
passed away two years ago.



my 6th love ........i'll call him "caribou"
he once told me of running inside a herd of caribou in alaska..
8 years younger than me.
tall and strong... chiseled muscle ....bald.... brown green eyes...my therapist called him "the body" after seeing a photo of him.
a short 3 month affair that ended because it was too soon after my husbands death.



ive learned a lot of things from these years of therapy since my husbands death. and though my body is sometimes lonely , my mind is glad to be alone and safe. a long line of men who were not right for me. i know my patterns now. for me therapy was about healing traumas
and also creating a new play.. i will not dance the same dance i have always danced. there is new music playing...

couer de lion...
a new friend , we have been writing letters for over a year.
we have never met in person. though we have talked on the phone a few times. i could fall in love with him , maybe i already am.. but i don't think thats possible to know until meeting in person. and who knows if that will ever happen.
he is not like anyone i have known so far. so that is a good thing.. a new play .. a new dance.. we shall see what is to come.

�

�