2005-08-24 - 6:07 p.m.

Coeur De Lion,


how i love reading and hearing the words you say to me
you must know that i melt like ice in your words...
all my defenses and walls falling down ..
just reading your words makes me float off into some other place.. and i never want to leave there.. never want to be without you in my heart...

i want you to brush my hair..i want to brush yours.
i want to wake up in the morning and see your face..
i want to be painting or writing and hearing you sing from some other room.. or just hear the piano playing
some tune in the middle of the night because you can't sleep because the notes are in your head.
i want to sit and listen to you play music for hours.. just listening.....
i want to hear you cuss when things are wrong
and look at me with private jokes that no one else knows but you and i..
i want to hold you when you cry... i want to hear your voice every day and whispering to me in the night.
i want to make love to you every day a million times a day.. or even just sleep with you and never make love again.
i want to show you all of me and i want to see all of you.
not just the body but every thought and every hidden desire..
i don't want to be careful..
i want to let this thin veil that holds back my emotions fall away..
i don't want to hold back the rush of what is there ..
i want to be very careful of what i say and not ever make you afraid of me or what i desire..
i never want you to feel any need from me that would make you turn away..
i don't want to feel that crushing feeling if you ever do turn away ... i would rather always be friends than ever experience not having you in my life.
i would rather god take me than to prevent you from fulfilling your purpose. or to be anything that pulls you down and makes you sad or troubled.
i want you to want me and i want you to feel my desire for you. i want to love you and to be loved by you.
i want to fall in love right now..
and i want to walk softly and not speak of any of this ever again...
i wish i was just a neighbor where we could wave across the fence and spend sundays drinking coffee and sit and talk and become the best of friends ... sitting with the leaves falling all around..
i want to hear your voice again.. the silence and the fullness of the quiet between us..
i want to feel that comfort every day and night..
i never want to think of any other man ever again.. only to see your face and feel your words in my heart..
i want to see all your flaws and kiss them all .. because there are no flaws that would make any difference.
i love your imperfection and your perfectness.. because you are so perfectly flawed. so human and so fragile inside and yet strong ... such a contradiction.. and a wonderful mystery.. how i would love to explore every inch of you. how i wish i could show myself to you in that way and know you would accept how imperfect i am ..

how i am so afraid to send this letter..
how i yearn to bare it all and still find you there

after the wind was past.

still standing near me..

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