2006-12-13 - 6:48 AM

i am taking him today. i have worked myself up into a panic attack , my chest hurting and so nervous i can't sit still. im glad its finally morning and i can wake my daughter and get her to school. i think my friend bluebird will stay with me. i can't take any more of it.. watching him slowly die is tearing me apart inside. emotionally i think i have reached my limit. i just sat rocking back and forth on the bed for the last 3 hours. i finally called my mom about a half an hour ago i thought hearing someones voice would soothe me.. but im worse. i just need to do this and get it over with. all my nerves are frazeled and my stomach is killing me with the stress. i just feel like i want to throw up.. and its friggin so cold im shivering or maybe thats my nerves. poke me im done.

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