2006-12-09 - 10:39 AM

dear songbird,

have you flown south for the winter.... i bet you wish you could. Let's go to mustang island off the coast of Texas.. hummm i can feel the warm thick air and hot sand. guess this time of year it's not as hot as summertime. but it sure would be warmer than here or there where you are. i remember the sand was white and the crabs were funny. scampering sideways peering into my tent over the door flap. yumm i remember the big shrimp cocktail i had and the fried shrimp we ate at this place called Snoopys. it sits half on water and half on land... tables on an outside deck. a quaint local dive... umm but the fresh shrimp was heavenly. it would be fun to play with you in the sand, building castles and walking along the edge of the ocean looking for shells. feeling the tide sucking at our toes. the hungry seagulls dance overhead waiting for people to throw them treats. you can drive your car up and down on the beach. though there wasn't anyone doing that. but i did just a few times. there is a part of the island only accessible to 4-wheel drive and a big sign warning people not to drive past it without a 4wd vehicle. it looked like the forbidden land and i really wanted to see what the beach was like back in there.. i can imagine it was very isolated and beautiful. i like to pull out my memories of there when its winter time and replay them like an old movie in my head. i should write my old Owl and tell him i am thinking of him.. he will just smile and call me a sentimental old pussycat.

i wrote him on Nov 3 and then almost at the same moment he called me. not knowing that i had just written him...

this is what i wrote after our conversation

what an odd thing for me to write a letter to you on the very day you decide to call me when we have both been silent for such a long while i think maybe there are still some threads tying us together after all this time. It's a comforting thing was very nice to hear your voice old friend

this is a piece of what he wrote back

Isn't that a comforting thing. I have been thinking about you a lot. We hadn't been emailing since my bday... and I've been thinking it would just be nice to talk to her by phone but I've been waiting for a weekend and it just never worked out very welll except finally (!) that moment I had the time. It was very nice to hear you voice. I hope one day to see you on a day with the sun warming our faces and we are outside in the woods or mountains enjoying mother nature and each other's company. It's funny, I mean we might never see each other again, although I don't think that will be the case. But if we don't I carry things of you with me. And that is comforting.
Well I had better go before I start to cry.
Love you much my cat.
Owl

what a dear friend he has been these 20 years. we only spent that one summer together and then i was gone back to Colorado and Firedragon. Owl said i was a pick ax in his heart the day i left.. though he didn't ask me to stay and he knew i was not the one for him and i knew that too. we have cherished knowing each other.. we only write a couple of times a year.. connecting and then being comforted in that and then going on with our lives.. such a dear man and gentle spirit. some of which reminds me of you. but he is earth and you are fire. still he is the only truly gentle man i have ever had a relationship with.. even if it was very short... but what a great friend i have had all these years...

i took Bluebird Christmas shopping yesterday. i finished it all except for finding Fawn a doll... she had several on her list but i am only getting her one. she is about to reach that age when dolls will not be what she is interested in anymore.

i need to run to mountain mamas it's a health food store and see about finding my son some vegan treats for his Christmas box I'm making. i need to get it mailed on Monday, so i have to get it finished over the weekend. i put a bag of Oklahoma pecans in there for him and one of those books of lifesavers. i think I've given him one of those every Christmas since he was a little boy. i can still see his bright eyes so excited about the holiday.. he could hardly sleep or be still. i bet he is that way over his trip to London. but i will miss him very much at Christmas. I'm starting to be very hungry to see him.. summer seems so long ago now. in our phone conversations, he says often that he misses me.. he calls and talks to fawn quite often.. I'm so glad he does that.. i do want them to be close ... not like my brother and i.

It's only been 10 days since you last wrote me.. and already i am so missing your words.. I'm such a silly girl... now i have made myself cry. boy that doesn't take long.. one moment I am fine, then I think of you, and tears are rolling down. blaaaag I'm such a watery pussycat always springing a leak over this or that. i already have been sniffing this morning.. now with the tears .. It's a faucet. it's already 9am and i haven't done anything except drink coffee and think about you
while i write this letter.

i do hope you are doing ok..
i won't worry.. i know you listen to your voice.. that you are carried along in warm embrace by your angels and your goddess and the creator... i know you are kept safe in love

as always

�

�