2006-11-01 - 9:33 AM

halloween in my neighborhood is just hometown america. it's a place of mostly elderly folks or families. big trees and smallish houses built in the 50's. neat yards and inexpensive cars or trucks. my daughter and my son both have gone house to house with me or another adult for many many years..when it's cold i cart them around in the car street to street.. keeping the car warm.. for them to warm up inbetween. this year was no different. my daughter with 3 of her friends. after trick or treating.. we go get pizza and soda. back at my house for more giggling and dancing and watching "pirates of the caribbean" just because johnny depp and
orlando bloom are soooooooo CUTE.

by nine the parents had come to pick up their girls. fawn and i settle down to do math homework... aggggg.
i hate doing math homework as much as i hate cleaning the toliet. but like that it has to be done. someone just shoot me. my daughter was standing over me looking down and pointed to my eyes and said.. mom you have some lines there around your eyes.. i laughed and said.. yes i've earned those lines.. badges from doing math homework with my children. ok.. im not math illiterate
i can do trig and my job i held for over 20 years involved complex trig. everyday. WTF then i ask myself.. but you put me in front of a lower level math book and have my child tell me ... no mom thats not the way the teacher said to do it... and there you have it... how to explain in a language they understand the why of how you get an answer..oh gawd.. just slit my wrists now and be done with it. i am no teacher.. i know that now after having had to do homework with my own children. bless the teachers in the world.

on other things.. yoshi's breathing today and last night was awful. i cried last night listening to him. i had to put some of his dog food on a piece of bread and feed it to him small bits at a time. just to get him to eat something. i fear he won't last through the end of the year.. what do people do watching a child or family member suffer so with a terminal illness. i struggle to maintain my life watching my beloved dog pass over... he doesn't cry in pain.. he is so quiet and so trusting and so silently strong. if i thought he was in pain i could make that choice today.. but it seems like he is not in pain and it feels like he still struggles to be with us.. who am i to deny him that. i hope if i am ever that sick i can have half as much dignity as him.. my little yoshi.

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