2006-10-23 - 9:59 PM

i went to an art show at my neighbors' home across the street. i was and still am in awe and amazed at the beauty i saw. i wish i could show you all the paintings and sculptures, the necklaces and beaded gourds. i came home inspired and unable to stop thinking about some of the pieces.

then suddenly i fell into depression.
i can't seem to find myself .. she's so small a thing.. lost in images of things i feel so small against. does that make any since. my art is just play and nothing i take seriously. they were all so serious about it all, as well they should be. such talent is overwhelming.

my words are my true art, most of which are hidden still from view. my other art just another release when i need to break away from words. but today i did nothing. no art and this is the only writing. i spent time with a friend and helped her with some things. i was not selfish or alone all day.

but i feel very strange tonight. like floating from a distance of my life. my daughters' voice pulls me back to earth to help with homework .. she teases me and i laugh .. but its as though i hear someone else laughing.

maybe i am just really tired.. but maybe i'm making excuses... if i still feel this disassociated tomorrow i will call my therapist.

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