2006-10-01 - 12:25 PM

i claim to know nothing personally for my experiences have all been failures.

but i have been witness to my families great capacity for loving lasting relationships.

my parents married now 51 years.. not without problems but still after all this time there is tender loving between them. holding hands and not wishing to be parted. my father sheds tears when speaking of my mother and his love for her. i see it in their tender holding of each other as they walk, that care to protect and shelter.. oh i listen to their complaints too but i know without doubt they love each other unconditionally.

my grandparents both long marriages of enduring love.

mamaw and papaw married over 60 years she won't marry again and would never consider another... still grieves his loss.. speaks of him so tenderly and with a love everlasting. still has his boots in her closet and finds he comes to her in her dreams.. she longs for the day when she will see him once again.
devotion.. true devotion..

my grandfather i watched him sobbing over my grandmothers coffin. crying...my angel is gone.. weeping and weeping.. as i wept too in the hall way watching through the doors.. i could hardly bear his sorrow. even now i am crying with the memory of it and it was over 20 years ago. they were married over 60 years too. watching my grandfather tend to her needs so tenderly as she became frail and didn't know anyone but him. he went to the nursing home several times a day, feeding her and holding her hand. cried because he could not care for her himself alone.. precious love

nothing to do with sex or sexuality.. but everything to do with compassion and devotion. i know for a fact she was never with another man... my mother the same and my mamaw the same too.. one man only their whole lives... the only one for each other.. no affairs , no betrayals, just this deep abiding commitment and love...

i too thought that would be my path... fully prepared for that and desiring only that..but look at me... 13 men have had intercourse with me in my life...i feel quite slutty compared to them.. if i go the rest of my life and never touch another man , it won't change what i have given away..

faithfulness, compassion, tenderness, devotion, forgiveness.. honesty... trust...

that's what i know true loving relationships are made of..

as far as seeking perfection in ourselves first... completeness
i don't know how that's possible... no one ever reaches that place
i think we can only keep striving for that of course...
but love isn't really dependent on two perfect souls meeting.
only in two imperfect souls sharing .......trusting...... giving and willing to forgive each others imperfections..

and when i ask my family what the secret of it is...
they always tell me commitment..

well that's my small bit of knowledge on the topic...
i know nothing really since i have failed at it so miserably

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