2006-05-30 - 10:09 AM

a couple of sweet and dear people have said this to me recently and i love them for caring for saying but ive heard it often enough from other places , other people. and for a long time ive wanted to just say what i feel about it.
i know you believe it, i know it means something to you. maybe its different than how i receive it, how i see it..

its a crock of shit.
things do not always get better.

shitting things happen. really awful and terrible things happen to really good people. and sometimes the only way out of an awful situation is to take your own self there. things do not always get better on their own.
sometimes you have to step up and DO something to make them better. sometimes you have to walk away.
sometimes you have to change yourself.
just sitting there saying well tomorrow will be better.. sometimes tomorrow sucks worse than the day before. sometimes things don't always work out. sometimes its time to wipe your hands of a situation and say well i did my best and walk away. sometimes you have to accept a situation all the warts and all the ugly things just because thats what needs to be done, has to be done.

i never have followed through with suicide.. not because i was afraid of dieing or because i didn't know how to do it. and never because i really believed things would get better. but because i wanted to see what was on the other side of that day. that moment.
i wanted to run into the possiblites of what i might be able to do or find.
every day brings a new beginning.
but its not always better.
just different with different choices.

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