2006-04-26 - 10:30 PM

dear lion,

sometimes i wake up and almost taste you on my lips. you feel that close. as though you have been there and left your scent lingering... though i have not one idea of your scent nor of your lips... but yet i know these things. how is it... that i know dear soul... how is it that.. i still feel you as if you were my blood or my child or something as real as that. i don't know its just another puzzle that i wonder about among all the other pieces of you that i pick up and study like the shells i found on the island.

now finally i begin to understand Mirabai...

O my friends,
What can you tell me of Love,
Whose pathways are filled with strangeness?
When you offer the Great One your love,
At the first step your body is crushed.
Next be ready to offer your head as his seat.
Be ready to orbit his lamp like a moth giving in to the light,
To live in the deer as she runs toward the hunter's call,
In the partridge that swallows hot coals for love of the moon,
In the fish that, kept from the sea, happily dies.
Like a bee trapped for life in the closing of the sweet flower,
Mira has offered herself to her Lord.
She says, the single Lotus will swallow you whole.

like maribi i don't care what the world thinks of me anymore. I've been reading about her life... feeling some parallels and connection to her. the story of her husband dieing and refusing to die when he did.. refusing to memorialize his memory. his family rejecting her , not liking her ways. her beautiful poetry erotic and about her love for Krishna. that she never married again and lived a very nontraditional existence completely devoted to a love she had never seen.. she seemed very brave to walk her own path regardless of how the world saw her.

i feel disconnected from the world as it seems to turn around ever faster and faster..the people running to and fro like ants scrambling over loose sand. i feel like this still unseen quiet bird living in my own tree raising my little chick. my small safe haven in the middle of a cess pool. sometimes i watch the news and the evil outside feels like its closing in on me... i wonder at the souls of man the death and destruction ..war... suffering... hunger... and the rich with their gucci watches and gold toilets. what a strange people humans are... I've never felt like one of them... not even when i was small... i always felt like a visitor... on the outside looking in ..watching the parade but never marching in it.. like i was observing taking notes in my head... then finding those notes on paper and in poetry. never finding anyone who knew what that felt like until you ... and finally not feeling alone. yes there is one other on this rock that feels like a spirit i know... that I'm not so different from..

someone as soft as i am

you who is so brave and solid ... but you are soft and gentle inside. how i love that part of you... vulnerable and sweet... tender ..i never knew a man could have those qualities..i never knew a man like you before. unafraid of his softness.. unafraid of his tears... i don't think there is anyone like you.

i feel this strange happiness in loving you.its such a gift to hold it ... to give it. I've stopped worrying about what that means for me. i don't think i will understand... it just is what it is..

sometimes it feels like a raging fire tempering me , changing me, i think that's why it hurts sometimes.. but mostly its just like softly burning coals that cast soft glows against the windows and walls of my soul.

your minet

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