2006-04-25 - 9:25 AM

i woke up to a dusting of snow on the ground. drinking some coffee to warm me up...

it was fun playing in the pastels yesterday. i had chalk all over me... how delicious was that. soon when its warm enough I'm going to do my art naked and have colors where the sun doesn't shine....lol.. that was for madrigle.. hugs and kisses dear.. hehehe
roses seem to be the visions in my head right now. i think i will do some more of those today.

i also spent some time practicing scales on the piano. my fingers feel foreign to the keys. i struggle to remember the notes and how to hold my hands. all that used to be automatic and done without even thinking. i look longingly at old sheet music i used to have memorized. i long for the sound of a real piano. there is such a fullness and complexity that is gone with an electric piano. it almost feels dead to me. the keys mushy and somehow wrong in sound.

i spent a few days clipping my rose bushes raking dead leaves and fertilizing the roses. watering them all. I'm pleasantly still sore. my favorite is a big petaled pale yellow rose with pink feathered petals and dark yellow center. its just so soft and smells lovely. the rose bushes tore up my arms a bit. it looks like i was in a cat fight.. lol

I'm watering the lawn manually moving sprinklers around. i have a leak near the main sprinkler controls. it happens almost every year this stupid membrane that is in the out vent gets damaged in the cold winter ... i don't know what its really called. i took the cap off and tried to remove the piece that needs to come off to get to the membrane... blaa it broke.. i have no idea what I'm doing but i thought id give it a try. raven said he would come and fix it soon. in the mean time my grass is brown and so dry .. I'm worried it will die .. so I'm hand watering a little.

lyl@e love@tt was on tv .. i do like him.. hes singing that "pony in my boat" song. i really love that song.. and so many more of his that make me smile and feel good. there is just something warm about him and his songs. I've seen him downtown in the college auditorium .. just him and a cello player it was a wonderful show... so simple and beautiful... no fancy lights or shit like that. just the music and his warm funny personality.

i went to the metaphysical fair downtown in the old auditorium. i went to see the intuitive that i saw last year. he gave me such an insightful reading then. i wanted to see what he had to say about this year. did you know this fair is the oldest metaphysical fair in america. next entry i will probably share some of what he said..i think its interesting.

the last weeks I've been doing a lot of soul searching. thinking about what i want out of life... what makes me happy. and the answers are so simple. for me its never about money or fame or power. its never about material acquisition. its always about love and peace and joy and family.. having the time to do things i love...loving those i care about.. being there for them in what ever way i can serve them.

i am in a good place in my life. enjoying being with myself. enjoying raising my daughter... letting go of any expectations of the future and just allowing my spirit to love this place I'm in. comfort myself in this peace. not yearning. forgiving myself .. forgiving others...

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