2006-01-28 - 12:48 PM

i injected the insulin into a vein last night. nurse told me i didn't get all my dose so thats the reason in blood sugar spike this morning. it was 232 then 272. this whole process isn't easy.i feel like my nerves are inside out. my beautiful daughter laid with me in bed last night rubbing my back to make me feel calmer. such a sweetie.. but i noticed her wiggling around made me just cringe with every movement. i find myself putting my hands over my ears because everything seems so loud sometimes painfully loud.

im sorry all that im writing about is this.im putting some older poetry inbetween so its not all about this but this is the journey im on right now and this is my space to speak it.

one aspect i keep thinking about is my mental journey to learn how to comfort and calm myself. learning how to love myself in whatever state i find myself. there are some spiritual things happening that im pondering... and as they solidify ill write about them.

i write to release the pain. either in poetry or in my books or here.... in this place where i don't have to think about grammar or spelling or if its correctly written. i can just let it pour out as is.. without edit... so if any of that bothers you don't read. i don't care. this is for my healing and if it speaks to your healing or your heart then im glad. if not then:
as Obi-Wan Kenobi says
"move along there is nothing to see here"

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