2005-10-14 - 9:39 AM

dearest lion,

it seemed a restless night of tossing and turning and dreaming. ive been dreaming of words a lot. words on various kinds of paper and long stories of words that ive never written.words of letters from you ive never received. words on parchment paper looking very old and worn. sometimes words in those bubbles above peoples heads. its the oddest thing.

this morning looks like it will be a sunny day. im making coffee and toast with blueberry jam. i have a thing for blueberries lately. i buy them fresh and wash . then put them in freezer bags.. then every morning i pour out some plain yogurt and put those frozen blueberries in there. the cold berries sort of get this lovely frozen yogurt coating over them. they are cold and icy and crunchy in the smooth yogurt. im wishing i had some right now.. but im all out. the fresh blueberries are getting harder to find. today i will just have to settle for blueberry jam on my toast. coffee is done..

yummm coffee .. hot, blond and sweet like me... lol my dads mom who i called grandma used to feed me coffee from her cup when i was just a toddler.. she said i called it cockee.and would point to her cup with my little fingers.. and she would take her spoon and dip me out a little. my mom clucking all the while how it was not good for me. lol..but i remember grandmas conspiratorial smile at me and she would share her coffee with me anyway. she drank it very sweet with lots of real cream. now when i drink coffee i still think of her.. those wrinkled so soft hands that would smooth my hair. she smelled of perfumed powder. she was a strawberry blond even when she was very old. never raised her voice to anyone. and loved me .. oh how she loved me. it was the kind of warm love that i can still feel . she used to hold my hands and tell me how she wished her hands were smooth and young like mine. she always had this wistful, graceful angelic quality about her. all softness and sweetness. how i miss being wrapped up in that.

yoshi just came in the room he was sleeping in his bed next to mine.. to lazy to get up with me a while ago. now hes jumped up in my grandfathers chair and peeking at me over the arm rest. now he wants out.. so we go to the back door and through the studio .. i watch while he lifts his leg over my columbines.. why does he always want to pee on the columbines.. poor things.. you would think they would just curl up and go yellow.. but they thrive on his pee.. lol

eagle alled the other day. he got a new job at a place called Park West theater. hes sort of a crew person. moves chairs around and sets up the stage . hes very excited.he gets free entrance to all the shows there. and will be backstage ... he said he might do the carriage job on the side if he needs more cash. but this one is a 40 plus hours a week. it was interesting to hear him talking about this friend of his who he had planned to share an apartment. he is pretty disgusted with him at the moment. he said that his friend has a job at duncan donuts and that all he does is go to work , come home and party. eagle said.. i have plans and goals and things i want to do .. and it feels like this friend is just lazin around doing nothing. he doesn't help him look for apartments and hes not saving money that john knows about.. its just funny to hear my son talk like this.. not surprising.. because ive always felt he had a good head and was smart. hes thinking of getting a studio room alone and not bothering with a room mate. he was wanting my opinion on it all.. which is nice.. but i think he had already made up his mind.. but anyway.. hes doing good.. now i won't worry about him being in that carriage out in chicago winters..

its been two weeks since the drywaller was here looking at things again.. he said he would call and has not yet.. im going to call him today.. im getting pissy about his dragging his ass on my project... ive gone too long not making any racket about it and being patient. hes starting to work on my last nerve about it all. ive been all sweet and soft spoken about it so far... hes in for a surprise soon if he tries my patience to its limit... i hate confrontations and will avoid them as long as possible. but when im done with that.. ill get all quiet and serious and say we need to talk... and then ill have all my issues thought out .. ill state them all through and won't raise my voice at all. but woe to the one who doesn't take me serious then.. cause im all ready for the confrontation at that point.. ive got all my duckies in a row
and ready for combat... lol...

i let fawn read some of my children's story im working on. left her at the computer while i was making dinner the other night. i could hear her giggling while she read. now that encourages me ... after she got done i asked her what she thought of it... and she told me very seriously that i had used the word cat too many times. cat this and cat that... so sure enough i read it all again.. and shes right. so i changed it .. using feline and gato and whatever other name i could think of for cat.. lol i even used the pussy word.. just for you coeur de lion.. lol

do you ever find a note you left for yourself and don't know what it means. i found a note scribbled on some mail that says first light , terry blackstock. and ive no clue what it means. i think it might be something my mom was telling me about yesterday.. but im not certain.. maybe a book she is reading... she tends to like christian romance novels.. i get tired of that genre very quickly .. its all about bible quotes and people who are afraid of their sexuality .. full of prissy women and righteous men. who think everything is solved with prayer and forbearance. everything so black and white and tidy. i much prefer my books messy with twists and turns and unexpected corners.

with warm affection,
minet
ps... spell ck tried to change pissy to pussy... lol.. that made me laugh

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