2005-09-26 - 10:49 PM

i just finished reading your entry bornearly it tripped something in me.

i have watched "the notebook" a few times and cried like a baby every time. i think we all want to be loved like that. loved no matter what. loved till the end of time with that devotion. some say its just a hollywood thing. that its fantasy and not real. but i know thats not true. both sets of my grandparents were married over 65 years and my parents have been married 50. all of them married since they were teens. and not that "staying together because we have to" kind of love. it was the real thing. it was in the pure grief crys of my grandfather over my grandmothers casket.. and in the misty soft eyes of my mamaw when she talks about papaw. its in my parents still holding hands and in the way that they tease each other while their eyes twinkle.. i was witness to them all. so no matter what ive been through, i know that kind of love is real.

and the question comes to me.. have i ever loved like that and the answer is no... oh i've had good reasons for leaving the ones i did. but i think if i had really loved them at that level that love would still be alive and its not. there is compassion for what was and what might have been. but there is not that kind of love that holds your heart and won't let you love anyone else...

well there wasn't until him. i could love lion like that. i suppose that will only be known when and if we ever meet in person. what i feel for him is stronger than anything i felt in the past and this is just the beginning. im just walking in friendship now and there are powerful things happening just in this small space that is friendship. i wonder what will happen when and if we walk through the door of the next room. its not the right time and there are so many fears to overcome, but the possibility is there.
oh.. the possibility is there.

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