2005-09-24 - 5:05 PM

the labyrinth....

crestone retreat..friday morning...

early sunrise and i decide to walk the labyrinth and meditate alone instead of going to the yurt to do yoga and meditate with the group. i go down and make some coffee and sit looking at the labyrinth a while. this is a beautiful place. The courtyard is round with a flat stone path around the labyrinth. outside this path is an adobe building and a wall with a gate on the west side. wood benches dot the edge of the circle and there are little chapels leading off of the circle, each for a different religion. i hear chants from the monks that live here. the labyrinth is made of a pale yellow stone and there is moss and low growing plants inbetween the stones. a sprinkler runs as i watch the sun rise above the adobe building. the mountain slopes up and rises high behind the structure. the courtyard is shaded still and the stones are wet. the moss is stark green against the yellow. the poppys are this delicious orange color. my hands wraped around a warm mug of coffee. the labyrinth calls to me.

when i finish i begin to walk it bare foot. the feel of my bare feet on the wet, cold stone is pleasant. the air is cool and my mind is too busy. so i focus on letting things go. working through the process of grounding myself and setting boundaries.. blowing roses as my therapist calls it. taking deep breaths as i walk. then i realize that i'm only looking down at the path and making sure of where to put my feet. i tell myself to look up and as i do i hear an inner voice say "don't look down at where you are going, trust your feet to know the path, feel it don't analyze"

so as i continued to walk i saw a very large black bee and some other bees on a cluster of poppies. i knew i would have to pass and wondered how i could stay on the path and not have to step off the path to go around them. that voice says "you're always looking ahead to see dangers, relax and when you arrive at them, just wait and see if the danger is real and if there is anything you have to do." so as i walked the bees came closer and closer and when i got to the cluster of poppies i just stood there and waited.... and waited....watching the bees. then the big black bee just flew around my legs and then off into the sky and the other bees just flew off too. i who am terrified of bees usually, felt unafraid at that moment.

i continued on walking and about that time the others were coming down for breakfast.it began to be noisy and i felt distracted irritated at their noise. so i went farther inward focusing on the sound of my own breathing and the voices seemed to drift away. i felt my spirit just let go and open up. i didn't have to look down or look forward or plan. i just walked feeling my bare feet on the cool wet stones.

i knew the path and as i walked i became aware of just existing, of living in the moment of breathing, of not being afraid or distracted or looking ahead. wondering wouldn't it be wonderful to live life like that.

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