2005-09-01 - 12:35 a.m.

lionheart,

i had all these things to do today.. i took my shower and fed yoshi.. fawn is next door with her best friend.. she spent the night and is still over there this afternoon playing. and i .... was supposed to do all these errands.. instead.. i just laid down for a minuite on my bed... and your book of letters was there... and i opened them and there that picture was that you sent me.. the last one with you looking down at me.. and i just started to cry.. im not sure why..ive been crying for a while. still teary as i write this... not really knowing why im crying.. just held that picture close .. and cried all over it.. now ill have to print another copy.. that one is messed up. my wet face and fingers kissing and touching it.. why can't i just reach through the photo and hold you and kiss you ..

men always seem to hate it when i show my emotions. they don't want me to bare my soul.. i wonder do men cry at all... ive rarely seen that.. could probably count the times on both hands that ive seen a man cry and it would not take up all the fingers.

now the day is half over.. i don't feel like doing any of that stuff.. so im not going to... it will wait till tomorrow.. today i will just be nice to myself.. maybe i will go bake something... smelling something cooking always makes me feel good... and some music... something sad like blues to match my mood. and i think to start ill go sit on my swing and smoke a cig. and look at my roses. and maybe some poetry will come to me.. a warm cup of fresh coffee.. that sounds good too...

want to come sit with me in the swing , drink coffee , and smoke. look at the mountains ... the trees and the roses.. wouldn't that be wonderful....

oh man.. tears again... well its best to let them flow.. not hold things in... must be a day for tears and being gentle with myself..

i adore you, minet

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