2005-10-10 - 2:19 PM

bluegrass.com

my old friend Swan goes to this folk festival and song school every year.she keeps begging me to come too and i have almost gone a few times.something has kept me from it though. either water dragon or money or processing.she says its the most wonderful and amazing place. telling me about everyone camping together, staying up late playing music with new friends learning so many things and laying in the tent late into the night listening to all the music all around. being in the mist of so much creative energy and music passion.

ive known Swan for 22 years.. she is another beautiful soul .. who creates and teaches art to children.. writes music and song lyrics. plays guitar and has a voice hummm a bit like carole king. ahhh swan, i miss her a lot. she moved from the springs to franktown which is near denver. only about an hour away..but still we don't talk or write or see each other very often.... she didn't like water dragon and she didn't like fire dragon. she has always told me there was someone special for me. someone creative and passionate who would see how very special i was... she always told me i was special.

when i was married to fire dragon she kept introducing me to all these musician friends of hers. i think she thought she could find that one for me. lol. i remember she was so happy when i moved out and left him.. and when i told her i was going to marry water dragon.. she just begged me not to... she kept telling me hes not the one.. ..but he looked like a safe haven. and after fire dragon that seemed so appealing. she could see how false he was... from the first meeting.. something it took me years to see.

i spent many nights on the run from fire dragon at her place. when he was in those heavy drinking phases and i was afraid. me sleeping on her couch with baby eagle sleeping on the bean bag chair.. us with just a bag of thrown in cloths.

i would take eagle with me to see her at open mic nights at "thunder and buttons".. an old place in old colorado city that has since burned down and was not rebuilt.. a great loss..

she and i have so much history.. i could write a book just about our adventures. oh we still talk now and again. when her mother died i was there.. and when water dragon died she was here. when we do see each other sometimes..there is that instant connection and friendship that has always been there.

we love each other.. it just seems our paths have been going in different directions.. ive been feeling a great pull to call her the last few weeks. it feels very strong today.. so i think i will call her.

swan has always been one of those friends that i know if i ever needed her she would be there... would take me in her home without question. she has loved my children.. esp eagle... now im crying.. i want to see her.

ive shut everyone out these past couple years.. i don't even know why. i just guess ive needed to be alone.

time to bring down these walls.

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