2005-10-06 - 2:21 PM

its cold today,i may turn on the furnace for the first time. i love the cool weather i think in some previous life i was an eskimo.. lol...warm coffee, a blanket wrapped around my legs and a computer to write on what more is there ... humm well maybe love.. but i don't need it today. how big is that to say for me.. ha...

im so happy these days. happy to be alive. happy to work all day and night, or sleep and do nothing but think. happy knowing my studio is going to be done soon. happy with my dreams and visions.

no this is not what i dreamed when i was young. i never imagined i would be in this place..

when i was a girl i used to dream about a big farm and children. a man by my side that laughed a lot and loved me
..in the dream he was always behind me with his arms wrapped around me whispering in my ear. he had long hair and we drove a vw bus painted with flowers. he sang and played the guitar and i wore a long apron a baby at my breast. a big kitchen with a wood table in the middle with bread dough everywhere flour all over me and those little faces helping me. a large studio in a barn with paints everywhere..

my best friend in high school that i shared everything with, we would tell each other our dreams. when i got married the first time she bought me a green folding ladder chair.she said she could see me in my kitchen sitting on it. now 30 years later, all those dreams are ashes not a one came true and the green folding chair sits in the garage with a million paint spots on it..

well the dream maybe dead but once again i feel like that young girl with hope and a new dream .. a new vision.. and it doesn't require anyone else to fulfill it either.. just me.. just me and my fingers, my mind and the ability to walk without letting my fears hold me back

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